Okay, unlike most cats I absolutely HATE this time of year. Maybe it's because I am much more intelligent than your average cat. I do not need to chase ribbon. I do not smack Christmas ornaments around. I do nothing with a Christmas tree other than sit under it waiting for it all to be over.
It's not because I am anti-Christmas, rather because I hate how crazy Humans get because of it.
Example:
H2 'What do you want for Christmas?'
H1 'Stop bugging me."
H2 'I need to know soon.'
H1 'I need to think about it. Every time you ask, just makes me want to think longer.'
H2 'When will you tell me?'
H1 'When I tell you.'
Do you have ANY idea what it's like to listen to that nonsense? I mean, Hello? If Human One does not tell Human Two soon, then he has no right to complain about what he ends up with. This is not rocket science.
Of course then there was the year when Human One started saying what he wanted months ahead of time. One day he said what he wanted. The next day he left out a magazine advertisement of what he wanted (with a picture, I should add). On the third day he left out a list of where the item was available to purchase.
Christmas comes, and...you guessed it...it wasn't under the tree. Here was that conversation:
H1 'Where's the castle?'
H2 'I got you the circus thing instead.'
H1 'We don't have a circus, we have a Christmas village. A Christmas village needs a castle.'
H2 'The village could have a circus.'
H1 'The village wanted a castle, not a circus. I asked for a castle, I left notes, I provided pricing, where it could be purchased, I did all the work for you, and I get a circus?'
H2 'You sound unhappy.'
H1 'DUH! You bug me every year for what I want, and finally I let you know way early, and then don't get it.'
H2 'FINE, FINE!' And Human Two picks up the circus, and with a flourish exits the living room and runs down the hall to his office very much like I would assume Scarlett O'Hara would exit a room if she was furious at Rhett Butler.
Several minutes later Human Two appears and states 'I ordered the damn castle, it should be here in a few days. I will return the circus!'
Hmm, Human's are funny creatures.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Birds, and Seals, and Bellboys, OH MY!
So, Human One, which is actually my favorite Human (although if you tell Human Two that he gets very upset, heh heh..Human Two is the good cop, Human one is the bad cop...you figure it out) buys a new "sound machine" that apparently helps Humans sleep, although I have found that if you sit on one of their faces at 5:00AM it negates that effect.
I do not know why Human One needed a new sound machine, as the old one was perfectly fine, but I find Humans spend money when they do not have to and have stopped trying to understand it. Apparently they wanted one with the sound of the ocean, but no birds. I found the sound of screeching seagulls comforting as I slept, but apparently my vote was not counted).
Anyway, the new sound machine comes and without reading directions (of course my Humans are male, as female Humans read directions) it is set up. So it's time to go to bed and it's turned on.
This is their conversation, verbatim:
H1 "Oh that's nice, really sounds like the ocean."
H2 "Hmm."
H1, some minutes later "Was that a bird? I swear I heard a single bird."
H2 "Didn't hear it."
Time passes
H2 "That's a f-ing seal, they have damn seals on this thing!"
H1 'I didn't hear a seal."
H2 "It was an f-ing seal, I heard it."
Time passes
H1 "Damn it...a foghorn? A flipping foghorn? Who can sleep though a damn foghorn?"
H2 "and seals!!!"
H1 " What the hell was that? A bell?? A ships bell??? This is ridiculous!"
H2 "birds and seals and bells, oh my."
H1 "NOT funny. This damn thing is going back...no way can I sleep through seals, bells, foghorns. I just want the ocean!"
Next morning
H1 'Did you turn it off last night? it's not on."
H2 'Yup, there was a flock of gulls screaming."
H1 'You mean the one gull?"
H2 'No, a whole flock, I can't believe it didn't wake you up."
H1 'A whole flock?"
H2 'A whole screaming flock!"
Needless to say, it was sent back, and another purchased that just has ocean sounds on the ocean channel.
Humans...go figure!
I do not know why Human One needed a new sound machine, as the old one was perfectly fine, but I find Humans spend money when they do not have to and have stopped trying to understand it. Apparently they wanted one with the sound of the ocean, but no birds. I found the sound of screeching seagulls comforting as I slept, but apparently my vote was not counted).
Anyway, the new sound machine comes and without reading directions (of course my Humans are male, as female Humans read directions) it is set up. So it's time to go to bed and it's turned on.
This is their conversation, verbatim:
H1 "Oh that's nice, really sounds like the ocean."
H2 "Hmm."
H1, some minutes later "Was that a bird? I swear I heard a single bird."
H2 "Didn't hear it."
Time passes
H2 "That's a f-ing seal, they have damn seals on this thing!"
H1 'I didn't hear a seal."
H2 "It was an f-ing seal, I heard it."
Time passes
H1 "Damn it...a foghorn? A flipping foghorn? Who can sleep though a damn foghorn?"
H2 "and seals!!!"
H1 " What the hell was that? A bell?? A ships bell??? This is ridiculous!"
H2 "birds and seals and bells, oh my."
H1 "NOT funny. This damn thing is going back...no way can I sleep through seals, bells, foghorns. I just want the ocean!"
Next morning
H1 'Did you turn it off last night? it's not on."
H2 'Yup, there was a flock of gulls screaming."
H1 'You mean the one gull?"
H2 'No, a whole flock, I can't believe it didn't wake you up."
H1 'A whole flock?"
H2 'A whole screaming flock!"
Needless to say, it was sent back, and another purchased that just has ocean sounds on the ocean channel.
Humans...go figure!
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