So, it begins. I've been living with my Humans for 5 years. I've watched them through their trials and tribulations, and frankly have decided all humans are just crazy. Wacko, every fricking one of you.
But...that's okay, as you have me to sort things out.
First of all, I feel the need to explain why I will capitalize the word Humans. Don’t be fooled, or get your panties in a knot, it's not out of love or respect. Any idiot can feed me, change my litter, etc.
It's more that they feel they are "the top dog" so to speak on the evolutionary chain, so just in case one day they learn to read and speak "cat" they'll imagine I was extending some sort of respect.
These are not my first Humans. My original Human had the audacity to die. At the time my name was Tiger (a horrid name) and was owned by a very old former schoolteacher named Hilda. They say I was about a year old when Hilda died. I hadn't really gotten to know her, so her death didn't affect me other than I was ripped out of my comfortable mobile home, and away from her insipid grandchildren who had no idea that they were there to please ME.
Fast forward to December 2006 where I was sitting in a cage at PetSmart. Now, I am not a small feline, well...I'm big-boned, and let's just leave it at that. Although Human One continues to remind me that I have a, um...how does he say it, oh yes, a "fat ass." Now tell me, is this a fat ass?
So I am in this cage, and since I can read minds, I am getting all these thoughts rushing in. I do not know if other cats can read minds, but I can. Frankly cats don't talk to each other or understand each other. I mean, not like cats and Humans do. I understand everything my Humans say. But if a cat makes a noise at me, it just sounds like those cat noises that Humans hear.
So, in this one mind I am hearing that this Human is coming to look at (again) and take this wimpy little tuxedo cat in the cage next to me. I find it ridiculous that Humans see these black and white cats as looking like they are wearing a tuxedo, but since they usually cannot see the proverbial nose in front of their face, I suppose this should not surprise me.
What I get from this Human mind is good job, a bit of money, recovering from a loss of a cat six months ago, and well...it sounded comfortable.
So as the Human walked by, I stuck out my paw and touched his arm, and showed my cutest face I could muster. (When I want to I can look quite cute and needy).
I had him at Meow. I could tell, as all thoughts of the black and white cookie next door faded. He was mine!
More later, I just found a bug.